Miracle In March Page 8

  ‘I have. A lot of late nights.’ He nodded, then spread some peanut butter on what she presumed to be gluten-free bread. ‘Here, mate. Eat up.’ He placed the plate on the table and Jackson came over and grabbed one of the triangles. ‘I’ll just heat up the risotto.’ He placed it in the microwave and they waited the incredibly long time for it to beep. James pressed open the door when it showed two seconds to go. She held back a laugh. She always did that.

  Soon they were seated at the table like old times, side by side, eating food.

  ‘So, what do you do now?’ she asked, then hoped it didn’t sound rude. He raised a son on his own, that’s what. ‘I mean, are you a full-time dad?’

  He took a sip of juice then answered, ‘I stayed in law for a while, but it got too hard with Jackson, so I had to get creative. I produced a self-study program for up and coming lawyers to teach them what I’d learned in regards to setting up a practice; systems, admin, marketing, all that. It went better than I expected.’

  ‘Wow, that’s great, James. And you did all that from home while looking after Jackson?’

  He nodded. ‘I’ve learned to switch my attention from one thing to another quite quickly.’

  ‘Oh yes, I remember having to do that with teaching, a ton of kids asking you things all at once, I got good at multitasking.’ Was she comparing teaching to parenting? She wished she hadn’t now. James obviously had a lot more to handle than she had, and for him it was 24/7.

  James’ head lowered, then he glanced up at her. ‘I’m sorry, Emma, about…you know. I still feel bad, I can’t begin to know what you went through.’

  ‘It’s okay.’ Her heart softened at his kind words. ‘Thanks for understanding.’ She wanted to touch his hand, show her appreciation but didn’t want to overstep the mark.

  Jackson picked up a DVD and held it up, making an urgent sound to his father. ‘You know how to do it, mate. Put it in the DVD player.’ He pointed, then looked at Emma. ‘I’m trying to teach him some independence.’ She nodded. Jackson opened the DVD case and held it out to the player. ‘That’s it, press open.’

  He tapped at the device then managed to find the open button, squealing when it opened. He placed it in and with an emphatic push, the disc disappeared inside. The Wiggles appeared on screen and Emma smiled. ‘What did parents do before these DVDs, huh?’

  ‘I have no idea.’ He smiled and gestured outside. ‘Shall we sit out on the porch?’

  They got up and moved outside, the breeze wafting over from the ocean, Wiggles music their lunchtime soundtrack.

  She wanted to know something, but didn’t know how to ask. Might as well just blurt it out. ‘So, um, is Jackson’s mother around?’

  James rubbed his jaw. ‘Ah, no. To put it bluntly. She’s never met him. I mean, obviously she did, but only briefly and then the nurses took him away.’

  Whoa.

  ‘She didn’t want him. But I did. Simple as that.’

  ‘Gosh, James, I’m so sorry.’

  ‘It’s okay, it’s better to have one parent who’s committed than two if one of them isn’t into it.’ He shrugged.

  Emma was amazed. He’d given up his career to raise a child. And one with special needs at that, though he obviously hadn’t known it at the time. She couldn’t imagine Jackson’s mother carrying a child to term and not wanting it. She’d kill for that chance.

  * * *

  James didn’t want to tell Emma the full story, at least not right now. It could upset her, and it sure as hell upset him every time he thought about how he’d almost lost his son. He glanced through the window at Jackson, standing on tiptoes and moving along to the music on the DVD with a small smile on his face. Although he hadn’t ever imagined his life would turn out like this, now he couldn’t imagine it being any other way.

  James returned his attention to Emma as she ate, her lips sliding over the silver spoon as she elegantly devoured the risotto. He never thought he’d be sitting here with her like this, he always thought his future would involve relaxing lunches with the mother of his child. But Stacey wasn’t the woman for him. Never had been. Except for that one night when for a few hours the pain of losing Emma had been diluted and overpowered by the intense rush of lust and passion…

  ‘C’mon, man, she’s gone. You’ve given it a few weeks, it’s time to move on.’

  Gary was right. If she’d wanted to change her mind she would have done it by now.

  ‘Two nights in the city, you can crash at my place. A party is just what you need.’

  ‘I’m not exactly in the partying mood, but okay. I’ll stay.’

  ‘Once the crowd arrives you will be. Just like old times!’

  James sighed. Those old times felt so long ago, and to be honest, he didn’t know if he wanted anything resembling those days again. He’d grown up. He wanted more. But Gary was a permanent twenty-one-year-old in a thirty-something’s body.

  ‘I’ll finish up at work and then I’ll head up. See you in a few hours.’

  He’d arrived to Gary’s inner city apartment with a bag of spare clothes, the most basic of toiletries, and a heavy heart that took all his effort to heave it up to the fifth floor. Dinner and drinks tonight, a harbour cruise tomorrow, and then Gary’s famous first-week-of-December Christmas party that had become an institution among his law friends.

  By the time Saturday night had rolled around, James had loosened up. It had been good to get away, if only for a couple of days, to give him a fresh perspective. And God knows he’d been burying himself in work since she’d left so he didn’t have to bury himself in the hurt. But if he kept going at this rate he’d burn out like a wildfire with no more ground to cover.

  After reminiscing with old friends, a few others arrived at Gary’s apartment to join the party. A colleague of Gary’s had brought a mate and his girlfriend who was a singer and actress. And the girlfriend had brought a friend.

  Stacey.

  Also a singer and actress, she had just moved to Sydney to perform a major role in a musical that was starting in January.

  ‘And you are?’ she’d asked, when he’d shaken her hand after Gary’s colleague introduced her and his girlfriend. Her green eyes were like emeralds, enticing him with a hypnotic sparkle. He wondered if they were coloured contact lenses, they were so bright.

  ‘James.’ He offered a brief smile, not the slightest bit interested in flirting.

  ‘I knew a James once,’ she said. ‘He wasn’t the nicest guy, but maybe you’ll change my opinion of the name after tonight.’ She winked, and James had resisted rolling his eyes. Great. A woman on the prowl. Just what ne needed, another potential heartbreak.

  But her charm and wit had gradually chipped away at his icy heart, as had the alcohol he’d been drinking, and she became interesting. And sexy. With a great dancer’s physique from years of ballet, she’d opted for musical theatre instead of dance, and her enthusiasm for her upcoming foray into show business was alluring.

  When half the partygoers had left, Gary promised he’d shout a round of drinks at the bar on the corner of his street, which had been the hub of many coming-of-age milestones during his university days. Karaoke dares, the-world-is-my-oyster business discussions, and the odd drunken kiss with random strangers.

  James, Stacey, Gary, along with his colleague and girlfriend took a seat at a low round table surrounded by lazy armchairs and a bench against the wall. Their discussions ranged from who made the best cocktails through to the potential for opening up a bar of their own one day to enjoy in their retirement. Stacey and her friend Belinda talked about their theatre training and experiences, and even did a little duet, while a small crowd had formed around them. Her voice was delicious. James found himself increasingly attracted to her beauty and talent and drive. He had that same drive for his career and life in general, and he liked that she ‘got him’ and he ‘got her’.

  ‘Anyone else feel slightly old?’ Gary asked, looking around at all the younger people who were just gett
ing their Saturday night started, while the ones with families were heading home.

  ‘Speak for yourself!’ Stacey said with a laugh. ‘Look at them, most of the crowd have their eyes glued to their new phones.’

  James laughed too. ‘They’re probably posting on Facebook about how much fun they’re having socialising.’

  ‘I don’t even have Facebook yet, is it really that great?’ asked Gary.

  James hadn’t gotten into it either. Didn’t have the time or inclination.

  ‘Or they might be texting their friends instead of walking around looking for them.’ she said.

  ‘Okay, now I do feel a bit old.’

  ‘Oh, no, we can’t have you feeling old!’ Stacey sidled up next to James. ‘Give me your number.’

  He was going to ask what for but she’d already slipped her hand into his pocket and grabbed his phone, then added herself as a contact, and retrieved his number too.

  She tapped away at her phone and James’ mobile beeped.

  You don’t look a day over twenty-five ;)

  He glanced up from the screen and into her emerald eyes, a sneaky smile creeping up one corner of his mouth. He almost replied in the regular, spoken way then stopped himself and looked back at his phone.

  Neither do you.

  Her reply:

  Maybe I’m not.

  His reply:

  Age is all in the mind anyway.

  Her reply:

  I know what’s in my mind, and it’s got nothing to do with age.

  James gulped.

  What has it got to do with?

  He stole a glance at her as she thought up a response, her dark hair falling over one shoulder like a casual, friendly hand, her cheeks an earthy pink. An automatic hint of desire wafted through his body and it both annoyed and exhilarated him.

  It’s got everything to do with you.

  He stared at the words for a few seconds, scared that if he looked up at her he’d launch himself at her with a ferocious kiss. Damn, this mixture of heartbreak, alcohol, and hormones wasn’t doing his self-control much good.

  ‘You two are as bad as everyone else,’ said Gary, and not knowing how to respond to her text message James distracted himself with a completely opposite topic of conversation with Gary’s colleague, which helped settle his urge back to the pit of where it belonged.

  Many flirtatious glances and half-smiles followed as the group chatted and laughed and drank, and by the time most were ready to head home, James was only warming up. He’d already joined Stacey in a (pathetic, on his part) duet of some song he’d forgotten as soon as they’d finished, and she seemed just as keen to keep the party going as he did. Gary had been right, this night was just what he needed.

  ‘I’m gonna get another drink,’ James said to Gary, patting him on the back. ‘I’ll get a cab later. Anyone else for another?’ He glanced around, their faces slightly blurry under the dim light of the bar and his inability to stay focused.

  ‘Me!’ Stacey flung her arm in the air like she was answering an important question in science class.

  ‘Sure you don’t want to get in the cab with us?’ asked her friend.

  ‘Nah, I’m not ready for beddy-bye’s just yet.’ She laughed and snorted, which would normally have made James cringe but only made him burst out laughing and give her a high-five.

  ‘Not that kind of beddy-bye’s anyway,’ she mumbled.

  ‘Don’t worry, I’ll make sure she gets safely home before I head back to Gazza’s.’ James promised, waving the party-poopers off.

  ‘Ur so nice,’ she slurred. ‘James is now my favourite name.’ She used her finger (complete with sparkly nail polish) to write his name in the air in front of her. ‘James. J-A-M-E-S. I’m such a good speller.’ She laughed again and doubled over, and James led her by the elbow to the bar where they enjoyed a final drink and some more ridiculous conversation.

  In the cab on the ride home on the way to Stacey’s flat, James’ phone beeped.

  You gonna walk me inside?

  He exchanged a blurry glance with the woman seated next to him whose free hand rested on his thigh.

  I promised I would get you home safely, he replied, amazed that his spelling was intact, but then realising that maybe he just thought his spelling was intact and it really wasn’t.

  He paid the driver and got out of the car with her, and the driver asked, ‘You want me to wait while you walk her inside?’

  James paused, looked at Stacey who was having trouble standing on her heels. ‘No, I’ll get one a bit later.’

  He walked up the steps with Stacey and into her building, and followed her straight into her bedroom. She pushed him onto the bed, unzipped herself from her dress, and crawled on top of him.

  Emma became a distant memory as he gave in to his moment of weakness, waking the next morning with not only a shocking headache, but a vague concern that he’d forgotten one very important precaution. He was more worried about the risk of an STD, thinking she may have been on the pill, but a few tests gave him the all clear. A month later he found himself having a serious conversation with the woman he barely knew who’d given him the night off from his grief.

  ‘More juice?’ James asked Emma, holding up the bottle.

  ‘Yes please.’ Emma held her glass under it as he poured. ‘Jackson seems to be enjoying those strawberries.’ She cocked her head in his direction.

  ‘Thanks for bringing them.’

  She smiled.

  They chatted about small things for a while, until Emma turned her wrist. ‘I guess I should head back soon.’

  He’d forgotten it was a workday for her, just when he was starting to relax around her again and enjoy the peace of the beachfront while Jackson was occupied. He had a sense that he didn’t want her to leave. Then again, he still had to finish his work for the day too.

  Emma stood and took her containers and bag, then crouched down near Jackson. ‘See ya, little man.’ She smiled and waved, even though the boy didn’t respond. Emma didn’t seem offended in the slightest. Of course she wouldn’t be.

  ‘Thanks for lunch,’ James said.

  ‘Thanks for…’ Emma stalled. ‘Thanks.’

  He knew she meant more than just the use of his cabin and his company.

  He walked her out and as she stepped off the steps and onto the path, he had a thought.

  ‘Emma?’ he said, and she glanced up at him with her beautiful brown eyes. ‘I’m having a barbeque here tonight. With my family. Would you like to join us?’

  She glanced away then back again. ‘Oh. Well, that would be nice. Though…’ She gestured discreetly to the next cabin. ‘I don’t think your sister is very fond of me,’ she whispered.

  James leaned on the porch railing to get closer to her. ‘Sorry, they knew about us. But I’ll tell them they have no need to hold a grudge. I mean, I won’t tell them the details, I’ll just say we’ve worked things out and there’s no hard feelings. That okay?’

  She nodded.

  ‘It won’t be an issue. Six thirty?’

  ‘Deal. What can I bring?’

  ‘Just yourself. I’ve got this one covered.’

  * * *

  ‘She’s having dinner with us?’ Lizzie asked, as James met her and André at the door to their cabin after they’d returned from lunch on the beach.

  ‘Yes. Everything’s okay now, I’m not angry with her anymore.’

  ‘Just like that?’ Lizzie raised her hands.

  ‘Just like that.’ No point telling her the details and how he hadn’t accepted her apology at first.

  ‘Wonderful! The more the merrier, yes?’ André smiled, and stepped aside for Jackson to rush past him and into their cabin.

  ‘So what was her excuse?’ Lizzie wouldn’t let up. She was the type that needed full, expository details of every given situation in order to feel satisfied.

  ‘Whose excuse?’ James’ mother approached, followed by his father.

  Lizzie turned around, th
e arch in her lower back getting more pronounced with the increasing weight of her belly. ‘Emma’s.’

  ‘You’ve talked to her?’ Marie came up the steps onto the porch, and James nodded.

  ‘So what was her excuse?’ Martin crossed his arms.

  ‘Look, it doesn’t matter. I just wanted to let you know she’ll be joining us for the barbeque tonight. Be nice to her, okay?’ James went into his sister’s cabin to deal with a brief Jackson issue (no DVD’s in cabin number two — disaster!), and when his son was occupied with pulling tissues repeatedly out of the tissue box and placing them in a neat pile, he found that his whole family had migrated into the living room.

  ‘So she did have a good reason for leaving suddenly?’ Marie asked. She shared a similar curiosity to her daughter.

  ‘Geez, can’t anyone trust me when I say it’s all sorted?’ He plonked himself on the couch and flipped open a tourist magazine, though the content might as well have been a medical textbook; he wasn’t paying attention.

  ‘It’s just such a change to go from being so upset with her to inviting her to dinner,’ Marie said.

  ‘I agree,’ said Martin.

  ‘And isn’t it better that we know so we don’t accidentally say anything wrong tonight?’ Lizzie would probably start using her ‘delicate condition’ to get the truth out of him next.

  ‘Was it another man?’ asked Martin.

  ‘No!’ James stood and tossed the magazine on the coffee table. It landed with a slap, startling Jackson. ‘Sorry, buddy.’ He walked to the kitchen counter and leaned on it, his body tired from all the drama and the afternoon slump dragging him down.

  ‘For heaven’s sake, just tell us, we’re your family!’ Lizzie said.

  ‘She had cancer, okay? Cancer with a capital C! Happy now?’ He shook his head and turned away, grabbing a glass and filling it with tap water. Silence. ‘What? You do know what cancer is don’t you?’ He sculled the water, wishing it were beer.

  ‘Cancer? But why…how did she…’ Marie’s face creased with confusion and concern.

  ‘She can’t have children. Because of the treatment she had. And she didn’t want to burden me with that and get in the way of me having my own. So there. That’s the big secret.’