Miracle In March Read online

Jen stood and leaned her hands on the table, as though gearing up for an interrogation. ‘Love like that doesn’t come easily. If you’re lucky enough to feel that and he feels the same, then oh my God — you need to get your arse back to Tarrin’s bay and tell him right this instant.’ She slammed her fist on the table. ‘Ow.’ She rubbed her hand.

  ‘You okay?’

  ‘Of course I’m okay, but you won’t be if you don’t do as you’re told.’

  ‘I can’t go now; it’s your party. And anyway, he’s spreading his grandma’s ashes, so it’s not the right time.’

  Jen held out her hand. ‘Then come inside, enjoy the party, and when it’s all over, you will drive back and tell him that even though you’re going overseas for a while, you’re coming back to him, and you’re one hundred percent committed to having a relationship with him. And Jackson. Got it?’

  Emma took Jen’s hand and stood. Was it really that simple? Could she make a promise like that when life seemed so uncertain right now? Emma looked into Jen’s eyes, then down at the makeshift engagement ring on her finger — a promise, a sign of commitment. Jen and Sean didn’t know what was around the corner either, no one really did, like James had said. But still, people made promises and made things work. They rode through life and navigated the speed bumps together. Was she prepared to finally turn that corner, say goodbye to the fears that had held her hostage in the past, and tell James she was ready and determined to start over with him, no matter what?

  A warm, bubbly sensation rose up inside and solidified into crystal clear perfection.

  There’d be no more dancing around the what ifs and the buts, it was time to grab the opportunity with both hands and tell him she was back for good, and that once she returned from her trip, she would never hide anything from him again, never run off, and never decide his future on his behalf.

  Was she ready to do what her heart was screaming for her to do?

  Yes. One hundred percent yes.

  Chapter 20

  With each step up to the lookout, the sun sank lower, descending gradually behind the vast coastal landscape. Warm, earthy pink hues washed across the sky, as though it was blushing, knowing all eyes were witness to its beauty. James had one hand shading his eyes from the early evening glare of dusk, and the other holding Jackson’s as his little feet walked three to his one, clutching Owly to his side.

  His parents walked on ahead, his dad holding on tight to the wooden urn, his last chance to hold his beloved mother.

  ‘Do you need a hand?’ James asked André as his brother-in-law got out of the car he’d parked as high up as was allowed, so that Lizzie didn’t have to walk uphill.

  ‘Could you carry this?’ André handed him a fold up chair, then helped his wife out of the car.

  They all walked the few extra steps to the flat surface of the lookout that was cradled by a safety fence, and beside Tarrin, the earth man. James looked further up, towards the old lighthouse that perched higher on the headland. He liked to think that its light would be a reminder of Nonna Bella’s light that she shone on the world, and he smiled, knowing that this was where she had accepted a marriage proposal.

  James lowered his gaze and scanned the rough, rocky face of Tarrin, reminded of the weathered skin of his father as he’d sat at the pier fishing with him. How time flies. Life was ever changing, and yet people adapted as best they could.

  Nonna Bella had lived a good ninety years. That was more than fifty years away for James if he lived that long. It was hard to imagine Jackson as a man in his fifties, but some day, he would be, and it was up to James now to ensure his son had the best upbringing he could offer. He hoped that there’d be some degree of independence in Jackson’s future, for when he was no longer around for his son. A scary thought. Because, despite the adaptability and duration of human life, it was fleeting in the scheme of things.

  James eyed the urn and a twinge of sadness rolled through him. He shouldn’t be sad, his grandmother had lived a happy, long life, but he missed her. His life wasn’t the same without her in it, and her loss was also a reminder of the cycle of life. Nothing lasted forever, except memories.

  He unfolded the chair and Lizzie sat, her hands clasping her belly, her hair flapping in the breeze. She looked sad, like him, and the pallor of her skin was tainted with the grey shadow of exhaustion. André stood behind her with his hands on her shoulders.

  ‘Bella would have loved this,’ Marie said, looking out at the view, the ever-present ocean, the headlands and rocky cliffs curving around the beaches. The burgeoning sunset gave everything a magical glow, and like life, it would pass by and give way to something new.

  With Lizzie settled and Jackson happily cooing to Owly, James approached his father. By simply standing beside him, he was expressing his support. He knew if he touched him, his dad may not be able to get through it without breaking down. Even though Martin often kept his emotions to himself, James knew his dad was finding this day a struggle.

  Martin cleared his throat. ‘I know we said everything at the funeral, but I’d like to say a few words to mark the occasion and say…say our final goodbyes.’ He looked at the urn then out at the ocean, as though drawing strength from its beauty. ‘My mother was an amazing woman. She and Dad gave us a good life, a good legacy, a heritage to be proud of.’ Scattered clouds moved slowly behind him as the colours in the sky shifted and merged. ‘It was here that her journey as a wife and mother began, and it is here that we now lay her to rest.’ He rubbed the urn with his hand. ‘Though I can never remember my mother resting. I’m sure she’ll continue to scurry about keeping busy, keeping everyone in line, and making sure everyone is okay.’ He offered a crooked smile. ‘Mum,’ he said, his voice softening, ‘thank you. Thank you for…’ his voice cracked and he lowered his head, rubbing his temples with one hand. Marie placed an arm around his back, rubbing it, whispering, ‘It’s okay, it’s okay.’

  ‘Thank you for everything,’ he continued, his voice thick with both grief and gratitude. ‘For my life, for our lives.’ Martin glanced around at the small gathering. ‘We’ll never forget you.’

  James’ heart lurched as he watched his dad wipe a tear from his eye, something he rarely did. And he realised that once, his father had been a little boy like Jackson too, a boy who needed love and support and guidance to navigate through life. Everyone needed someone, no one could do it alone.

  ‘Would you each like to say something you’ll always remember about Bella before I…’ He glanced at the urn.

  ‘Of course. I’ll start,’ said James’ mother. ‘It sounds small, but I’ll always remember the way she rubbed cream on her hands, as though it was an extremely important thing to do. She always carried that lavender hand cream around with her and used it often. She had lovely hands, much better than mine!’ Marie chuckled, holding up a hand and rotating it. Martin took hold of it and kissed it.

  ‘Although I didn’t know her as long as all of you, I’ll remember her positivity,’ said André. ‘She didn’t seem to let the little things get her down.’

  Everyone nodded, and Lizzie patted André’s hand as it rested on her shoulder.

  ‘And I’ll,’ Lizzie said, her voice shaky and bottom lip trembling. ‘I’ll never forget her…her…’ She sniffed, and André leaned down and kissed her cheek. ‘Her hugs.’ She sobbed, then took a breath and added, ‘They were like magic. One hug and the world was alright again, problems disappeared. I can’t believe I’ll never,’ she sobbed again, hanging her head, ‘that I’ll never get to have one again.’

  André crouched down beside his wife and wrapped his arms tight around her, rubbing her arm and whispering reassurances into her ear. James stepped to his sister and ran his hand across the back of her head, the silkiness of her hair cooling his hand. Jackson looked at Lizzie, then collected pebbles and put them in a pile near his auntie’s feet.

  ‘There are so many great things to remember about Nonna,’ said James, ‘but I’ve got to say it: she knew how
to feed a hungry herd of people.’ He smiled. ‘There was nothing quite like her cooking. And just like the hugs,’ he patted Lizzie’s shoulder, ‘I’m sad that I’ll never get to taste her food again.’ He clamped his lips together. ‘But I’ll always have the memories. And Mum, your food is pretty fantastic too.’ He glanced towards his mum, who smiled a thank you. ‘One more thing,’ James said. ‘She was also a perfect parental role model. She raised a caring, dedicated father,’ he glanced at his dad, ‘who married a caring, dedicated mother. And each of you have helped me become the father I am myself, and the father I hope to be.’ He pressed his fingers to his lips, kissed them, then held up his hand to the sky. ‘Grazie, Nonna Bella.’

  ‘Grazie, Nonna Bella.’ Everyone did the same. Five kisses made their way into the air, as though preparing it for what was to come.

  James’ father took the lid off the urn and handed it to Marie. With his hand over the opening, he lifted the urn over the railing and took a deep breath. Then, in time with his slow exhalation, Nonna Bella’s ashes slowly released in a soft haze.

  The delicate dust wafted through the air, riding on the wind that once caressed her face as she stood in this very spot, and once floated into her lungs as she breathed with life. A lightness enveloped James, like he too was floating. He watched the breeze carry his grandmother’s spirit through the sky. She wasn’t falling, she was soaring, circling around, up, and down, finally free, and forever a part of this magical place she loved.

  Jackson gripped the bars of the safety fence, his eyes wide, Owly behind him at his feet. James touched a hand to the boy’s head as he peered through the fence and down into the ocean. James returned his focus to the sky, the ocean, the vast beauty of the view, breathing in deeply and imprinting the moment in his mind, and his heart.

  ‘Bell-la.’

  James turned to the soft voice that came from his left. He froze, his eyes glued to Jackson.

  ‘Bell-la.’

  There was no mistaking it. His four-and-a-half-year-old, non-verbal, autistic son had spoken. And not just any word, the name of the grandmother whose ashes floated into the sunset this very moment.

  James’ mother gasped, and Lizzie stopped crying.

  Everything went still.

  ‘Jackson?’ James whispered, a new, fresh, surreal sensation growing inside him, his heart thumping, his head spinning. ‘Bella,’ he echoed. ‘Bye, bye, Bella.’

  ‘Bell-la.’

  James’ heart expanded with joy, and a smile mirroring the euphoria grew on his face. He dropped to his knees beside his son and flung his arms around the boy. Jackson stood there, unmoving, peering out into the horizon. ‘You said Bella! You said her name! My beautiful, amazing, special boy.’ Tears welled instantly, spilling out onto his cheeks and streaming onto Jackson’s blue top. ‘Oh, my boy. My boy,’ he spoke as he cried, one hand gripping his son’s back and the other caressing his mop of wavy hair in a lovingly fierce tangle. His chest throbbed and he stayed on his knees, embracing his son like he had just come to life. James didn’t know if Jackson would ever speak like that again, but it didn’t matter. He didn’t care if he never said another word again for the rest of his life. He would never forget the pure, utter beauty of what he’d just heard. And now, he knew without a doubt that his son, his unique gift of a son, was there in that body; a living, breathing reminder that not everything needed to be heard or seen to be present. Jackson probably knew more than he let on, and was perhaps tuned into things others didn’t even notice, and, for some unknown reason, had chosen this moment to show his father that everything would be okay.

  As James held on tight to his son, Jackson remained still, letting his father enjoy this moment. A hand touched his back, and without looking he knew it was his own father. Three generations of men, united together in a moment of purity and simplicity beyond anything he’d experienced. And in that moment, as every emotion, every fear, every bit of grief that he’d bottled up poured out, he found himself smiling. It was only a simple word, a name, from the mouth of a child. But its significance was profound. And there was only one word to describe it: a miracle.

  * * *

  As the light dimmed, James wiped at his eyes with a tissue his mother had handed him. He picked up Owly and gave it to Jackson, who until then had continued to be hypnotised by the view. Everyone’s eyes were red, everyone’s except Jackson’s. ‘C’mon, Jax, time to go have some special dinner.’ He patted his back. James turned around to find his mother with arms outstretched, and he let her scoop him up into a motherly hug. Martin couldn’t take his eyes off Jackson, and although he’d just farewelled his mother, his face appeared brighter than before.

  Lizzie blew her nose and shoved the tissue into the pocket of her cardigan, then nodded to André that it was time to help her get back to the car. He hooked his arm under hers and she rose, then Lizzie gasped as water gushed between her legs. ‘Oh no. Oh no, André,’ her voice shook, then her head dropped backwards and she wilted onto the chair.

  ‘Lizzie?’ André had caught her before she fell, and James rushed to his sister’s side. ‘Lizzie?’ He patted her cheeks, but her mouth hung open and her eyes had rolled back.

  ‘What’s happening? Lizzie, sweetheart!’ Marie dropped to her knees in front of her daughter, her hands on Lizzie’s thighs. ‘She’s unconscious! Call an ambulance, quick!’

  Adrenaline surged through James’ blood and he punched in an emergency call on his phone.

  His dad put down the urn and slid an arm under Lizzie’s legs. ‘Let’s get her to the car.’ André lifted his wife under the shoulders, Martin her legs, and Marie helping support her back.

  ‘Here, Mum, you give the details, I’ve got her.’ James handed the phone to his mum as the operator answered, then helped carry his sister to the backseat of the car where they laid her down. Martin took off his jacket and folded it under her head.

  ‘Lizzie, wake up!’ André touched and kissed her face repeatedly.

  James put two fingers against her neck. He held his breath till he felt the light throbbing, weak but definite. He’d seen people on TV shows rub the chest on top of the sternum, so he made a fist and rubbed at it with his knuckles. ‘C’mon, Lizzie, c’mon.’

  Her eyes flickered and opened.

  ‘Oh, thank God, Lizzie?’ he asked.

  She opened her mouth but no words came out. Her eyes appeared drowsy but aware. André kept kissing and fussing over her.

  ‘Are you in any pain, sweetheart? They want to know.’ Marie asked, one ear against the phone.

  ‘Head,’ Lizzie managed. ‘Head hurts. And everything’s blurry, can’t focus.’

  ‘She has a sore head and blurred vision,’ Marie said. ‘No, she didn’t bump it, her waters just broke and she fainted.’…‘Yes, high blood pressure. The doctor had been talking to her about pre-eclampsia.’ James listened to the one-sided conversation. ‘André, make sure she’s only semi-reclined. Is there something else to raise her body up a bit?’

  Martin grabbed a towel from the boot and handed it to André. André manoeuvred onto the backseat into a kneeling position, placed the folded towel on his lap, then adjusted Lizzie to lie back onto him.

  ‘Don’t worry, sweetheart, ambulance isn’t too far away,’ Marie said, reassuring not only Lizzie but everyone else.

  ‘André,’ Lizzie whispered, her chin trembling. ‘It’s too early, it’s too soon.’ She tried to sob but didn’t appear to have the energy.

  ‘It’s okay, the doctors will know what to do. You just take it easy, ma cherie.’

  She grasped his hand. ‘I don’t feel good.’ Her hand shook, as did her voice. James took off her shoes and tried to make her more comfortable. Martin found another towel and James put it between her legs just in case. He’d seen Jackson’s birth and knew how much blood was involved.

  ‘Honey,’ Lizzie spoke again, looking directly into her husband’s eyes. ‘Make sure they save the baby. If you have to choose…’ she sucked in a sharp breath
, ‘please — the baby.’

  André’s face paled and James’ stomach churned. ‘No, no, ma cherie, you’re going to be okay, okay?’

  ‘Promise me,’ she urged. ‘We tried for so long to have this baby. Promise me, baby first.’ The eerie tone of his sister’s voice pinched his chest.

  No. No, Lizzie.

  Lizzie didn’t look away from her husband. She gripped his hand. André caressed her face and nodded as a tear dropped off his cheek. ‘I promise.’

  With his words, Lizzie’s eyes rolled backwards again and André sobbed into her hair and pleaded for her to wake up.

  Chapter 21

  Emma parked her car behind the cottage and locked the door with a beep. As soon as she was inside she planned to text James, both to offer her condolences on his grandmother and say that she hoped all went okay, and also to ask if they could talk before he left in the morning. But when she made her way around the side of the cottage towards the front door, she glanced up to the right. She’d picked up some DVD’s for her dad before arriving at Jen’s party and could probably drop them off now. She walked along the path as it gradually inclined, and glanced out at the beautiful warm pink of the sky. Maybe she should go up to the lookout, snap a photo, then use it as inspiration for a drawing.

  She changed direction and headed up the hill towards Tarrin. As she neared, she stopped for a moment. Oh, of course, James and his family must be spreading the ashes. She thought they’d be finished by now as Jackson would surely need dinner soon, but she could see his mother and father, and someone’s car, and…James was kneeling on the ground, leaning into a car. Jackson was beside Marie as she held onto his hand, but where were Lizzie and André?

  When she came closer and saw the looks of despair on James’ parents’ faces, she knew something was wrong. They weren’t just emotional from the events of the day, something had happened.

  A siren blared in the distance and grew louder, and Emma turned as an ambulance bumped along the gravel road into the holiday park and headed towards her.