Memories of May Read online

  ‘I’m going to leap off …’ she swung her arms, ‘and … squash you!’

  ‘Noo!’ Mia rolled sideways until she was off the mattress, just as Olivia did a small but enthusiastic leap and fell onto the mattress with a soft thud. Her real paragliding land had been more dignified.

  Mia laughed, mostly when Olivia tried to get up but pretended to fall back down, and Olivia went back to the kitchen. She turned the stove back on and stirred the remainder of the pancake batter.

  When she put a spoonful in the frypan, she shaped it into something, and smiled. She took a photo of the letter ‘J’ and texted it to Joel along with a message: Pancake tribute for you, thanks for yesterday.

  Then she added: And for the many days before that.

  She didn’t know how many days, or moments they would have left, but as soon as she hit send it was like her heart had leapt off into the sky on its own paraglider. She doubted it would have a dignified landing.

  If it ever landed at all.

  Chapter 22

  Olivia sat at her bedroom desk, manuscript open on her computer, listening to Mrs May’s memories on the phone recorder the next night. She pressed pause for a moment and switched back to her text messages, re-reading the ones she’d shared with Joel yesterday in response to her pancake ‘J’. He hadn’t been in a position to make pancakes so he made a letter ‘O’ with his mouth and sent a selfie.

  She shook her head at how easy things were these days. If her grandma had had the technology of text messaging, her life may have taken another path. That Saturday all those years ago would have turned out completely differently with the help of a single text message …

  * * *

  May’s Memories, of the unexpected …

  How do you say goodbye to people without letting them know you’re saying goodbye? I asked myself this last night at dinner, but myself did not have an answer. So after our meal, I gave Mrs Chevalier a hug to thank her for the delicious food and for having us stay with them. And then I used that opportunity to hug my father for working so hard, and my mother for supporting our family despite her ill health. My gaze caught Jacques’, and I wanted to say goodbye, give him a hug, but it would have been too strange a thing to do, so I simply gave him a friendly nod.

  So there I was on Saturday morning, my nerves on edge, my heart racing, my soul alive with purpose, preparing to leave town with William.

  I placed the goodbye letter on my bed. It explained to my parents that I loved them and was grateful for everything but needed to go and experience something new, take a chance, discover where I wanted my life to lead.

  I opened my window, carefully dropped my bag out onto the ground, then climbed through. I closed the window and turned around to walk off, when I froze. There, at the edge of the garden that spanned the back of the house, was Jacques, staring off into the distance. I walked quietly so as to not disturb him, but as my pace quickened I heard his voice …

  ‘May, where are you off to?’

  I spun around. ‘Jacques. Hello.’ I brushed hair awkwardly from my face. ‘Just ah, going for a walk.’

  ‘That’s a heavy-looking bag to carry, would you like me to accompany you?’

  ‘No,’ I said a little too loudly. ‘I mean, thank you kindly, but I can manage.’

  He eyed the bag.

  ‘I’m taking some items to my friend.’ It wasn’t a total lie, but I was also taking myself to this friend and he was more than just a friend.

  ‘Very well,’ he said. ‘Enjoy your walk.’

  I smiled and went to turn away, but he looked sad. ‘Jacques,’ I said. ‘Thank you, for your hospitality. I mean, thank you, for putting up with us living here, being in your space, your home. I’m sure it’s been a bit of a disruption.’

  ‘Not at all, May,’ he said. ‘It is a delight to have you present in our home.’

  His words felt genuine, and guilt surfaced in my heart.

  ‘And thank you also for your company and friendship,’ I added. ‘I do enjoy our conversations so very much.’ It was true. I would miss discussing literature and poetry with him. But instead I would be discussing letters and love and adventures with William, and most importantly—living them.

  ‘I enjoy them too. Perhaps we can enjoy them some more over a picnic lunch in the garden sometime.’

  The guilt rippled down my spine. ‘Oh. Yes. Certainly. Sometime.’ I gestured towards the direction I planned to go in. ‘I better get going. Bye Jacques.’

  He eyed me with a narrow, lowered brow. ‘See you later.’

  I gave a brief nod and scurried off before I got carried away and before too much time passed. I needed to get there soon, as Mrs Chevalier had been in a talkative mood this morning and it had been difficult to get back to my room to be alone so I could leave.

  He would be okay, Jacques. He would find a nice lady to court and be with. He was a good man and deserved happiness.

  I walked along and my heart raced even more. It was happening. I was really doing this. I couldn’t contain my smile, it stretched and widened on my face as the sea breeze tickled my cheeks and the sun warmed my skin. I planned to walk up to the Tarrin formation first, see it one last time, and then follow the track down along the beach and up over the headland towards Lookout Point.

  When I reached it, I allowed myself to stop and take a deep breath at its majestic beauty. At the beauty of nature, both the seen and the unseen. This physical structure was an example of how natural forces could create something so perfect, and it was the same for the bond between William and I. Natural forces, compelling us to be together, creating something beautiful and perfect, in its own unique way. I scanned the horizon, the expanse of sky and sea, its rich-blue opulence inviting me to admire it. I thanked the powers that be for this beautiful place, for surviving the house fire, and for the help of friends in a time of crisis. Most of all I gave thanks for what was to come, and for the opportunity to enjoy a new path towards an exciting future.

  When I felt ready, I turned to walk down to the beach. My feet stopped suddenly. ‘Jacques.’ My heart stopped. ‘What are you doing here?’

  He walked closer and stood in front of me. ‘I thought it was such a nice day I might go for a walk myself.’ He put his hands in his pockets and glanced around. ‘A nice view up here, isn’t it?’

  I nodded. ‘Indeed. Anyway I must get going.’

  He walked closer, then up to the top of the headland just beyond Tarrin, where the rocks joined the ones forming the cliff top and cascaded down to the rocky ground and ocean below. ‘Stop and admire the view with me for a while, May,’ he said. He gestured with his hand for me to join him. ‘I’ve been so busy lately that I haven’t taken much time to do such things.’

  I nibbled my bottom lip. ‘I do apologise, but my friend is expecting some, ah, items and I don’t want to be late.’

  ‘Look,’ he said, pointing to a ship in the distance. ‘I’ve never even stopped to notice them before, the cargo ships.’ He stepped onto a large rock and leaned his hand on one higher to steady himself. ‘Some people live such a different life, don’t they? A life on the sea, I don’t know if I could do it. But it is intriguing.’ He formed a shelter above his eyes with his hand and peered further into the distance. ‘I wonder what sort of people are on that ship, how their families feel as their loved one sails away for weeks at a time.’ He turned to face me. ‘Family is so important, isn’t it, May.’

  I nodded. ‘Oh yes.’ I glanced down the beach. ‘Friendships too.’

  ‘Of course.’ He tapped his foot on the rock.

  ‘Anyway, enjoy your walk, Jacques.’ I gave a little wave and turned away before I couldn’t.

  ‘Wait, May?’ he said, then he made a gasp. I spun around just in time to see Jacques lose his balance and slip off the rock, sliding down, his hands grabbing the rocks as he fell, but continuing to slip.

  ‘Oh my goodness! Jacques!’ I raced towards him. ‘Jacques! I got on my knees and leaned over the edge, tryi
ng to grasp his hand but he slipped further down. The look in his eyes in that brief moment seared my soul. He thought he was going to die. Our eyes lost connection as he tumbled further down, and I screamed, my hands reaching over the edge but unable to do anything. I contemplated climbing over and trying to edge my way down carefully, but it was too dangerous, and then I’d be no good to him. My mouth gaped and my body shook as I watched in horror at his body sliding, tumbling, until he came to a stop on the rocky surface below, close to the ocean. ‘Jacques!’ I called. ‘Can you hear me?’ He wasn’t moving, his leg was at an odd angle, and one of his shoulders seemed pushed up higher than it should be. Water lapped around him and I begged for him to stay put, for the ocean not to claim him. ‘Help!’ I called out, looking around me. ‘Help!’ I found my footing and stood, shaking, looking for the nearest person. There were a few people further along on the beach, and someone walking their dog in the direction I had come from earlier. I glanced back over the edge at his body, lying lifelessly, not sure if he was alive or dead. Then I sucked in a sharp, painful breath, and ran as fast as I could to get help.

  Olivia paused the recording, her heart beating fast. She thought of how many times she’d visited the Tarrin formation, not knowing the details of what unfolded there all those years ago. How scared her grandma must have been, how scared her grandfather must have been in that moment. And wondering what had gone through William’s mind when May had failed to turn up at Lookout Point. When Mrs May had gotten to that point in her recollection, she’d needed a drink of water and a breather. Olivia said she could come back the next day, but her grandmother had said she just had a few more words to say first …

  * * *

  By the time Jacques had been rescued and taken to hospital, I remembered. ‘William!’ I said to myself in despair, my hand on my chest. My chin trembled and tears spilled from my eyes, not only from the drama that had unfolded, but from the knowledge that he was probably gone. I had no way of contacting him. Unless word had gotten out about Jacques’ accident and he presumed I had been needed, he would have assumed I had decided not to go with him. ‘Oh, William!’ I cried.

  When Jacques had been stabilised and taken to surgery for his broken leg, after being told he was expected to make a full recovery, I left the family at the hospital. I made the trip back to Tarrin and retrieved my bag that had been left there; thankfully no one had stolen it. I rushed along the track towards Lookout Point. If by some miracle he was still waiting there for me, I wouldn’t go with him. I would simply tell him what had happened and ask him to wait for me, to wait for a better time. But when I searched the small crowd of people wandering around the lookout, there was no William. My heart collapsed and I trudged all the way up to the lookout despite the realisation that I had missed my chance. I held onto the railing where our hands had touched and looked out at the vast sea and sky. Where was he now? I don’t know how long I stayed there, but it was long enough for me to understand that fate had dealt me a different path. It was no accident that Jacques had fallen, it was meant to happen, to make me stay. My life was here in Tarrin’s Bay, and I would make the most of it and my blessings.

  I opened my bag and got out some paper and a pencil. On it, I wrote: ‘I came. I was late, but I came. There was an accident and I couldn’t make it on time. If you find this, come find me so we can talk.’

  I took a ribbon from my dress and tied the paper around a discreet end of the railing, at the bottom so that it wouldn’t be obvious to visitors but could be found by someone looking for something. I knew it wouldn’t stay there long, but I had to try. If he returned today he would have a chance of seeing it. But as I tightened the ribbon, something inside told me he was already well on his journey to wherever he was going.

  I returned the next day to be sure. The ribbon was still there, and the paper, wilted a little and frayed, looked like it had not been opened and read.

  I left it there anyway, and a couple of days later it was gone, the ribbon still hanging loosely from the railing. I untied it and threw it over the cliff.

  Who knew where that ribbon would end up, and who knew where William would end up. He would always wander, and I would always stay. And that was the way it was meant to be.

  Olivia pressed stop and sat still for a long time. She wondered if it was better for her grandma having had the experience despite losing it, or if it would have been better, and easier, if she’d never fallen in love with him at all.

  Chapter 23

  Joel shivered as he got out of the water. Despite wearing a wetsuit, the air and ocean were cold and unforgiving. He walked back up to the caravan with his surfboard and got showered and changed into warm clothes. Every few minutes he’d pause and think of her, wondering why she had been so distant this past week. There was one week left of the course, so maybe she was simply focused on getting towards the end of her book while her grandma was still alive. Or maybe things were more serious with her grandma and her mind was elsewhere.

  As for his mind, it was often on her. Without control, it would flit to her without warning, and he would have to force himself back to the present moment.

  He sat on the fold-out bed and opened the text messages on his phone.

  Good morning, how is everything? he texted.

  Then he added: You’re not too nervous about camping next weekend, are you?

  What he really wanted to say was: Why did you really cancel our lunch last Friday? And why did you rush off after class on Tuesday? And does your mind wander to me as mine does to you?

  Half an hour later he got a reply: All ok. So busy. Trying not to be nervous about camping.

  He stared at it for a moment. Fair enough. She was just busy and probably tired. But it didn’t seem like her usual self.

  He hesitated about what to say next, or whether to say anything at all, but he remembered it was Sunday.

  Have you made pancakes yet? he asked.

  Nope, just got out of bed, she replied.

  Are you up for a new #pancakechallenge?

  She didn’t reply right away.

  Um, sure. What shape am I supposed to make today?

  Joel thought for a moment. How many more shapes could one make from pancake batter? He thought he would give her some options for variety, so he texted: A body part.

  He grinned, then added: And get your mind out of the gutter;)

  He hoped his lightheartedness would help her return to her usual self.

  His phone pinged: Sometimes random body parts find their way into my innocent pancake shapes anyway. #giantbutterflypenis

  Joel erupted into laughter. She was back. If only for a moment, and via text, she was still … there.

  Ha-ha, he texted. I look forward to seeing what random or on-purpose body part you create.

  Watch this space … she replied.

  He amused himself for a while imagining various body parts as pancake shapes. But he guessed she would so something innocent like a foot or a nose.

  When the photo came through, his eyebrows rose.

  Covered in luscious red-coloured jam was a pair of perfect bow-shaped pancake lips.

  He smiled. Well done. What were they like?

  The typing bubbles appeared, then disappeared, as though she was thinking of how to respond, even though it was a simple question. But he was learning that with Olivia, things weren’t turning out as simple as they seemed.

  * * *

  Olivia’s finger hesitated over the texting screen. She typed in the words, just to see how it would feel, just to imagine what it would be like if she were in a position to be able to say those words to someone. To have someone she could flirt with in that way: I’d rather know what your lips are like.

  She giggled at the sentence that looked so foreign on her phone screen.

  She could never say that. Her finger shook a little and she went to press backspace, but the message became a bubble and her phone made a whooshing sound.

  ‘What?’ She stared at the words
. ‘What?’ Her heart raced and her finger tried to erase what she’d done. ‘Oh no, oh no!’ She had accidentally pressed send instead of backspace, and now her message was flying through cyberspace to her recipient.

  ‘What’s wrong, Mummy?’ Mia asked, looking up from the dining table.

  ‘Um, nothing. It’s okay, Mummy’s just …’ Oh God, what have I done? ‘I made a small mistake sending a message, nothing to worry about.’ She escaped into her bedroom.

  Nothing to worry about? She paced the room and even Googled ‘how to erase a sent text message’ but sadly it looked like her mistake was inerasable and right now Joel would be reading her message and thinking that she was trying to seduce him.

  Get a grip, Olivia, she told herself. It was just a little flirty message, nothing major. It wasn’t like it was anything erotic.

  She stared at the screen. Below the message it said that it had been ‘read’, but there were no bubbles indicating he was replying.

  Argh! Her body clenched and she stamped up and down on the spot in frustration and embarrassment, heat filling her body.

  Okay, okay, think! How to rectify the situation? Maybe she could pretend April was here and had typed in her reply as a joke. No, she couldn’t lie, even a small white one.

  Olivia pressed the screen. Sorry, just being silly. Trying ‘something different’, I guess. I wasn’t being serious.

  Oh, but she was.

  Her heart almost stopped when words appeared below hers: Oh. And here I was getting my hopes up.

  Oh. Oh indeed. Was he being serious or just being silly too?

  You are disappointed? she texted.

  No, but I did get rather excited thinking you were flirting with me;)

  Lol. In that case I can make up a new pretend flirt? #flirtchallenge

  Go ahead, he replied.

  Okay, this wasn’t so bad. She could do pretend flirting. Even though she had meant what she’d accidentally texted before.

  And now that she was given the green light to flirt, she couldn’t think of what to say.