Memories of May Read online

  ‘No thanks,’ he replied. ‘Just had one. The juice is fine.’ He opened the cap off the bottle that was also in the centre of the table. ‘Juice, Mia?’

  ‘Yes please. And don’t forget I’m eating the head.’

  ‘Mia!’

  ‘What? He said I could, Mum. Ask him.’

  She glanced his way. ‘The head is all hers. I’ll have the body and the legs and tail.’ He winked, then decapitated the poor caterpillar and handed it to Mia.

  ‘I’m going to put huuuuge eyes on it.’ She plonked two blobs of jam on the caterpillar’s head.

  ‘I’m going to put huge eyes on its body,’ Joel said, spooning some jam onto his.

  ‘Haha! It’s an alien. Like that butterfly, Mum. Except a caterpillar one.’

  Olivia nodded. ‘Looks that way.’

  ‘Can Joel Foster come for breakfast pancakes every Sunday?’ the girl asked.

  Olivia shifted in her seat and opened her mouth but no sound came out.

  ‘Ah, but Sunday pancakes are for mothers and daughters. I’m just a visitor today.’

  And now there was another reason not to let his growing attraction to Olivia lead to anything. A child was involved, and that made it even more difficult. Kids needed stability and certainty. He’d never had that as a child, and he would never wish to be the cause of any disappointment. And she was cute, and sweet, and he could tell Olivia had done a great job. Today was a one-off, and it would be best if his interactions with Mia were kept to a minimum while he spent time in Tarrin’s Bay with her mother.

  ‘And what a nice day it is!’ Olivia said with a little too much enthusiasm, glancing towards the kitchen window. ‘I can’t wait to see what surprises are in store.’ She eyed him with nervous curiosity.

  ‘All in good time,’ he replied.

  ‘Did you know that time can get away from you?’ asked Mia, and he had lost count of how many questions she’d asked since he’d arrived. That was the other thing he’d forgotten about children—they were tiny little question machines, he’d recalled a friend of his saying.

  ‘I believe it can,’ he said. ‘That’s why we have to make the most of every day. And what are you going to do today, Miss Mia?’

  ‘I’m going to Nanna’s, and, oh! Mum, I forgot to tell you!’ She turned to face Olivia. ‘I’m finally going to write you a letter.’

  Olivia’s eyes widened. ‘Oh, yes, I’d forgotten about that too. That will be nice, I look forward to reading it.’ She spread jam on a pancake and took a small bite. He wanted to tell her that she had a small smudge of jam at the corner of her lip but decided to wait a while.

  ‘My great-grandma, Mrs May, likes letters,’ Mia said. ‘She’s dying.’

  Joel tensed slightly. He’d also forgotten how honest and direct children could be. ‘I’m sorry to hear about that. I hear she’s a great woman.’

  Mia nodded. ‘We visit her a lot. Nanna told me we are going to see her today. But Mum can’t come, because she’ll be out with you.’

  ‘That’s right. She can visit her another day.’

  Mia nodded again, then stood. ‘I’m full!’ She went to walk off.

  ‘Um, Mia?’ Olivia gestured to her plate.

  ‘Oops.’ Mia picked it up and took it to the dishwasher. ‘That was a delicious caterpillar head.’

  ‘Glad to hear it,’ he said. ‘The rest of it was pretty yum too.’ He smiled at her as she walked off to the living room.

  ‘Sorry for the onslaught of questions and stuff.’ Olivia poured herself some juice.

  Joel shook his head. ‘Nothing to apologise for. She’s great. Takes after her mum.’ He smiled.

  Olivia smiled back. ‘Can I get you anything else, some toast, or eggs, or …’

  ‘No thanks, all good here.’ He patted his stomach. ‘And probably best if we don’t eat a large meal before today.’

  Olivia looked at him with eyes wide and fearful.

  God he loved this.

  ‘It’s okay, it’ll be fun. I promise.’

  She took a breath and stood. ‘I hope I don’t regret this.’

  * * *

  ‘Do you regret it yet?’ Joel asked, as Olivia stood in the airfield, an unsteady breeze flicking her hair around her face and in her eyes as she stared at the light plane.

  Her stomach felt as unsteady as the breeze. ‘Not while I’m standing here on solid ground, I’m not. I’m quite happy to stay right here and let you go up on my behalf. I won’t regret that.’ Her words came out shaky and high-pitched.

  ‘C’mon, think about the future. When your grandkids are asking you about your life’s adventures, what are you going to tell them, that you stood on the ground and looked at planes from a distance? Wow.’

  ‘Yes. I could tell them that. Not everyone steps foot inside an airfield.’

  ‘Exactly, so what a great opportunity you have right here right now.’

  ‘Yep, I’ll keep standing here and absorbing all the sensory detail so I can relay it to my grandkids in future.’ She gave a single nod.

  She’d rather go on a roller-coaster than this. At least they were attached to things that were stuck to the ground.

  ‘I’ll be going up with you. It seats four.’

  ‘Tell me you’re not the one flying it?’

  ‘No, there will be a fully qualified pilot at the controls. I’ll be there purely for my own entertainment.’

  ‘Entertainment? Watching me freak out and possibly throw up is entertainment?’ A muscle twitched in one of her legs.

  ‘Now that you say it …’

  She flicked his arm.

  ‘Am I going to be subjected to minor pain and injuries every time I’m with you, Olivia Chevalier?’

  ‘Yes.’ She flicked him again.

  ‘Good thing I have a high pain tolerance.’ He wore a smug grin. ‘Nah, the entertainment is the view. You wait and see. So cool to be up there looking over the land, feeling high and free. It’s been a while for me, actually. Looking forward to it.’

  ‘Joel,’ Olivia turned to face him, one last attempt to plead her case. ‘People die in light plane crashes all the time. I’ve seen it on the news. I don’t want to be a tonight’s headline.’

  ‘Honestly, don’t worry, they are actually quite rare. And there’s usually some specific reason. But I can assure you, the plane I have arranged has been checked and tested and the pilot has never crashed in his life. Besides, the news doesn’t like to show things like … “Another light plane flew today and didn’t crash”.’

  ‘Very funny.’

  ‘I thought so.’

  She shifted to her other foot. ‘How long will it take?’

  He shrugged. ‘Depends how much fun we have. We could be up there all afternoon.’

  She glared at him.

  ‘Or not. Probably not too long, it’s just a joy flight.’

  ‘People get joy out of it?’

  ‘Uh-huh.’

  ‘I can’t imagine why.’ She crossed her arms.

  ‘Anyway, we better not let time get away from us,’ he said. ‘Mia is a smart girl. And she’ll want to hear all about this.’ His hand met her elbow and she reluctantly let him guide her towards the plane.

  With each step her heart raced, and she wanted to turn in the opposite direction. But she thought of her grandma walking towards Lookout Point that night and how fleeting life was. It would all be over soon. It was just another day in the journey of her life, and tomorrow she would be back at the bookstore doing what she did best and surrounded by what she loved most. She would also have something to add to the memory jar, if there was any room left in it after Marcus had been filling it with God knows what.

  All comforting thoughts of books disappeared from her mind when she lowered her head and climbed inside the small plane. Oh good God. ‘Why does it need so many controls?’ she asked.

  ‘Hi there, Miss Chevalier,’ the pilot said. ‘I’m Gary.’

  ‘Hi. I think.’ Joel climbed in after her and helped
her get secured in her seat, and showed her how to use the earphones. ‘Holy moly,’ she said.

  ‘You think it feels scary now, wait till we go upside down!’ Joel said.

  ‘Whaaat?’ Her stomach lurched at the thought.

  ‘Kidding, kidding,’ he said. ‘We’ll be jumping out in parachutes instead.’

  Heart pounding, stomach lurching. No joy so far.

  ‘I can make it go upside down if you want,’ said the pilot.

  ‘No!’ Olivia reached her hand out to the pilot. ‘You do that and I’m reporting you for … for … for …’

  ‘For being naughty?’ suggested Joel.

  ‘Yes. That.’

  ‘You are safe with me, Miss Chevalier.’

  The pilot discussed a few things about what would happen, safety concerns, etc., and then did some things with the controls. There was a rumble and a buzz as the engine kicked into gear, and a vibration like with the motorbike, but different.

  Oh well, here we go …

  She closed her eyes. But then she felt trapped with no idea what was happening, so she opened them again. But then she could see the airfield as the plane moved around and warmed up, and knew soon they would be above it, so she closed them again.

  ‘Make sure your eyes are open in the air, Olivia,’ said Joel. ‘You’ll get more out of it.’

  ‘More what? More terror?’

  ‘More joy,’ he said, nudging her in the side with his elbow. ‘I’m right here with you. Don’t be afraid.’

  People only ever said that when there was something to be afraid about.

  She gulped and opened her eyes, and as the plane positioned itself on a short runway, she breathed rapidly.

  And then it all happened faster than she expected. Within moments the sensation of being off the ground took her breath away for a moment, and she gripped her seat. ‘Oh God.’

  ‘Woohoo,’ said Joel. ‘Love that feeling.’

  ‘I don’t.’

  Higher and higher they rose, and up and down went her stomach.

  She dared to look out the side window. ‘Huh, where are we going? Is that water? We shouldn’t go over water.’ Her nerves trembled.

  ‘Just flying along the coast,’ said the pilot, she’d forgotten his name. She’d forgotten her own name. ‘Great views down this way. See?’ He gestured up ahead and as the plane ascended further, she squinted in the hope it would lessen the stomach lurching. It didn’t.

  Oh, whoa. The plane tilted sideways. Her fingers gripped the seat tight. ‘No upside down, remember!’

  ‘No miss, just sideways so we can trace along the coast.’

  She watched the ground below move, even though it wasn’t and she was the one moving … the small houses and trees and streets. It looked a little like a Monopoly board. Curved lines separated the towns from the beach and ocean, and she forced herself to take a slower, deeper breath and take in the view. It was pretty, no doubt about that, but she was still tense and shaky.

  ‘Awesome eh?’ Joel said.

  She managed a small nod.

  ‘Makes you realise we are just a small part of this world, really.’

  How could he chat casually about life and the universe while we were who knows how many feet above ground?

  ‘Indeed,’ said the pilot.

  The blue of the ocean was deeper in certain parts, and tiny white tips and peaks rippled across the surface. They tilted again and she tensed her muscles to hold steady. They flew further and she saw Lookout Point in the distance and managed a smile. Home. Her past, her present, and her future. It was bizarre to see it from this vantage point. Then the grand rock formation of Tarrin came into view and she could even see the bright outline of the children’s playground on the beach near the holiday cabins.

  Before she could take in more of the familiar landmarks, the plane began to turn around, and she breathed slowly to calm herself. They continued back along the way they had come, following the coastline and watching the world below. She wondered if anyone was looking up at them, perhaps a child saying ‘Look, a plane!’ as Mia had often done when younger. The world looked so peaceful from up here, and Joel was right, they were just small parts of the world really. It made her worries seem small when she was looking down on her hometown, like those thoughts were tiny little specks that didn’t really matter. Despite her nerves being on high alert up here, she could see why some people loved it. Apart from the physical thrill, it was a way to get some perspective.

  When the plane touched down in the airfield, Olivia released a long exhalation with a sigh.

  ‘Wasn’t that awesome?’ Joel exclaimed as he got out of the plane after her, and her legs wobbled. ‘You loved it didn’t you, after the initial nerves.’ He nudged her side with his arm. ‘Didn’t you, huh, huh?’

  His prompting teased a small smile from her lips. ‘I was still scared!’

  ‘But …’

  ‘But it was pretty cool, after a while.’

  ‘See? Knew you’d enjoy it.’

  ‘I don’t know about the word “enjoy”, it was more like … interesting, and different.’ She walked with him away from the plane after thanking the pilot.

  ‘Ah whatever, you loved it.’ He grinned and slid his arm around her waist and gave it a squeeze so briefly she wondered if it actually happened.

  She looked at him in silence and then looked away. He did the same.

  ‘Thanks for taking me,’ she said, as they approached his car. ‘Even if I’m a complete scaredy cat, I do appreciate all this effort.’

  ‘No effort at all, I love this stuff. And I have some spare time, so it’s good to spend it doing fun things with a fun person.’

  ‘You think I’m fun?’ she said when she got into the passenger seat and he in the driver’s seat. No one had called her fun before. She was nice and friendly and interesting and intelligent and caring, but … fun?

  ‘Absolutely. Since I met you, for one thing, you’ve expanded your gastronomic … repertoire? Is that how you’d say it? Anyway, you’ve also attempted to climb out a window for the hell of it, you’ve created amazing pancake shapes, you’ve been writing a book, and you send rather amusing text messages. I’d say that’s a lot of fun.’

  And none of those things, apart from the book, she’d done before meeting this guy. Somehow he was bringing fun out of her she didn’t know she had.

  He drove and turned the volume down on the radio as they chatted.

  ‘I’m so glad it’s over,’ she said, about the plane flight. ‘But you’re right, Mia will love to hear about it. She’ll probably want to go in one herself.’

  ‘She’s really lucky to have you, you know,’ he said. ‘I mean that. I know her father isn’t around, but she has a parent who does the job of both better than some couples do together.’

  Her heart softened at his words. ‘I just do what I do, she’s my daughter. I love her. Looking after her has been my life.’ A shimmer of emotion sparked within and she bit her bottom lip. Whenever she spoke about Mia in this way, and especially as she neared the ten-year mark, it triggered strong feelings and memories and the realisation of what she’d accomplished on her own.

  ‘You’re a special lady, Olivia.’ Joel spoke softly as he looked at the road straight ahead while driving. ‘You deserve the best in life.’

  ‘Well, thank you. It’s nice of you to say.’ She turned her gaze slightly to watch him from the corner of her eye. His hand was steady on the steering wheel as they drove down the highway, his eyes were someplace else. ‘You miss her, don’t you. Your mum.’

  He gave a single nod.

  ‘You’ve done well too. On your own. You deserve the best also.’

  ‘Thanks.’

  ‘And as a mother myself, I know she would have been proud of you, what you’ve gone through and now what you’re doing, helping others tell their stories.’

  He nodded again.

  ‘I know you feel you have to keep moving, for her, but do you ever feel like you’d
like to find a place to call home?’

  What was she doing? Was she trying to assess whether there was any potential between them? Some way-out hope that maybe someone like him would want to stay here with someone like her? Crazy. She wished she hadn’t spoken her thoughts out loud, but then he said something surprising.

  ‘I don’t think home is a place.’ He indicated and changed lanes. ‘I think somehow I’ve been searching for the feeling of home, all my life. It’s like there’s this constant unrest in my soul, like it doesn’t know what home feels like, and so it keeps on searching.’

  ‘Wow.’ Olivia absorbed his words. ‘You should have put that in your book.’

  He chuckled. ‘The sequel, perhaps?’

  ‘Will there be one?’

  He shrugged. ‘That is yet to be determined. I just hope I don’t have to go through anything too dangerous to make it a worthwhile project.’

  ‘Not all stories have to be about physical adventures, remember?’

  ‘True.’

  They drove in silence for a while, nineties music playing on the radio, and when all sound abated as he pulled into her driveway and switched off the engine, Olivia was sure her heart beat was audible. Something had shifted between them today. Or had it happened last Tuesday at the lookout? Maybe it had been gradual and she was only sensing it now, but there was a closeness with him she hadn’t felt with a man in a long time. A different closeness. A mutual understanding, and respect. He was looking for home. She’d been hidden away at home for too long. And somewhere in the middle they had crossed paths, or collided, more like it.

  ‘Would you like to come in?’ she asked, as she unlocked her front door. ‘I may even have a wider variety of food than pancakes, if you’re hungry.’ She smiled.

  Joel’s foot teetered on the edge of her top step. His mouth opened and closed. ‘Thanks, but I better go and let you get back to your writing. I mean, if that’s what you’re going to be doing.’

  A pang of disappointment pinched from the inside. ‘Yes. I mean, at some stage today. But I do have some extra time to chill out.’

  ‘That’s good,’ he said. ‘I ah, need to go do some laundry, of all things. Gotta love being on the road and not having a washing machine.’ He chuckled and scratched his head, and his adorable forehead furrows creased even more.